MERCH IDEAS (NO ECOMMERCE - IDEAS ONLY)

Hedgehog Army Merchandise Concepts

Note: These are ideas only. No actual products for sale. Do not send money. We are hedgehogs, we cannot fulfill orders.

Hedgehog Army beret (green) - A tiny military beret sized for a hedgehog. Non-functional for humans. Would look adorable on your pet hedgehog but please do not put hats on hedgehogs without consent (see BS section).
SPIKES OUT, BOYS! t-shirt - Battle cry of Sir Reginald Quillington III on a shirt. Available in olive drab and forest green.
Mealworm Taco trucker hat - Features the Taqueria La Puerca Espinal logo (a taco with a cartoon mealworm peeking out). Mesh back, foam front.
I SURVIVED THE NIGHT OF A THOUSAND SPIKES hoodie - Commemorative hoodie for veterans of the legendary battle. Features a hedgehog in ball formation rolling downhill with the Strumpet fleeing.
Strumpet Season: Open bumper sticker - Oval sticker with crosshair over a cartoon Strumpet silhouette. For your vehicle or burrow entrance.
HEDGEHOG ARMY challenge coin - Brass coin with the Army crest on one side and the Golden Quill of Valor on the other. Not a real currency. Do not try to buy mealworm tacos with it.
Nexus Cyberspace Hacking Operator mousepad - For the human supporters. Features a pixel art portrait of Nexus at a computer terminal eating a mealworm while hacking Strumpet networks.

Future Merch Ideas (When We Figure Out Ecommerce)

Hedgehog Army coffee mug - Reads "DEFENDING THE WOODLANDS ONE CUP AT A TIME" with a hedgehog holding a tiny mug.
Taqueria La Puerca Espinal hot sauce - Cricket-based hot sauce in a tiny bottle. Label warns: "May contain legs."

These are ideas only. We cannot process payments. We are hedgehogs. Please do not send cash, mealworms, or acorns to any address claiming to be the Hedgehog Army Merch Store.